Timing & Tone of your Words is Everything
“We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out” Winston Churchill
“Words. So powerful. They can crush a heart, or heal it. They can shame a soul, or liberate it. They can shatter dreams, or energize them. They can obstruct connection, or invite it. They can create defenses, or melt them. We have to use words wisely.” J Brown
“Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can forgiven, not forgotten.”
“Words are free. It’s how you use them that may cost you.”
My great grandmother used to say: “always taste your words 7 times instead of just letting them slip out without any thought.” I wish I had the chance to meet her in person. One wise woman she was. It is really easier said than done. It has taken me years and years of practice to perfect this and I am still practicing and learning.
I love what Churchill said too. Once you let the wrong words slip out, depending on the severity of the disaster, you truly have to slave away fixing it.
Have you ever found yourself regretting why you ended up saying something as it was a completely wrong timing? I think we have all been there at some point in our lives and its certainly not pleasant.
It is utterly important when you are going to say something and when to not say something. Also, how you are going to say it. It’s all about timing and tone.
There is a Persian proverb that says: “Please have a sit, sit down and sit your ass down, all mean the same thing.” Essentially this refers to how you deliver your words. What tone and vocabulary you use when you have so much variety to choose from. Based on your choice, you have the power to either make a person, or break a person.
Let me give you two scenarios of situations gone wrong between husband and wife
For women
1)Husband comes home, wife starts complaining. She gives him even more pressure after all the ones he’s had outside all day. Inevitably they get into an argument. After a while she realises that she probably should not have done that as he has had a long tiring day. She then wants to make up for the mess she’s done. She apologises and starts saying nice things words to him that come from a state of understanding and appreciation!
Moral of the story: All this should have been done the other way around. Say all the compassionate romantic things to your partner first when you see them after a long day. Let them feel happy about coming back home to you. Give them some time to unwind, detach and relax. Then you can talk about whatever that has been bothering you or complain, while keeping a calm tone as men have a hard time understanding a situation that is brought up to them with anger.
For Men
2) Wife has given birth to a new baby. Husband asks if the baby is alright leaving the wife feeling less important all of a sudden with the arrival of the new family member!! It’s not exactly the most logical move in that situation, especially after all the pain and hardship she’s been through. She needs extra love and care.
Moral of the story: He must first ask if the mother is alright. Once they bring the baby, he can pay some attention to the baby and then bring back all his attention to his wife to make sure does not feel neglected. Tell her: “you are the one who is going to stay by me, you have to be healthy, you went through a lot of struggles cause of our baby.” This is the ultimate way a husband can show compassion, love and care at the right time.
This is about being able to judge when to say or not to say something. Such ability hugely comes from having a high EQ.
If you find yourself struggling in such situations, I definitely recommend you taking an EQ course either online or physically attending one wherever you are. It is truly life-changing.
Here are two books I recommend in this field:
Here is to a more self-aware, harmonious journey
Your coach
Kiana
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